Unto the Gory of God!

A phone call...

... a trip to the hospital...

... tubes ... IVs ... prayers ...

"Joy runs deeper than despair." Corrie Ten Boom (A concentration camp survivor)

“See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals,
And produces a weapon fit for its purpose.” Isaiah 54:16

Most of you probably already know the news that my family received a week and a half ago.

My sister was diagnosed with cancer. She's only 23.

There is a 7 cm tumor located at the EG junction. The surgical procedure to remove this is very difficult and will take several hours. However, before that, the medical personnel have said that she will start chemotherapy and radiation therapy for several weeks before hand to destroy any micro cells that have spread to other areas.

She went to the hospital Friday and was in MICU for 5 days. Up until the Wednesday when they moved her out of MICU, I thought that we were going to lose her. Finally, after receiving the results of the PET scan and the biopsy, they determined that it was stage 3 and could hopefully be controlled with the chemo and radiation therapy and then surgery. It was a ray hope and an answer to prayer.

But if any of you have a family member who has gone through this, you know that it is almost easier to face death with peace, than to face the months of pain. Chemo and radiation wreak havoc on the body.

One night while we were at the hospital, I was sitting on the side of the bed with my arms wrapped around my sister and she was leaning back against me while I held her. Caitlin, who has always been able to out-muscle me in most physical tasks, leaned weakly against me, absolutely exhausted from a few short walks down the hallway. She was still in some pain from the Friday morning when they did laproscopic (sp?) surgery and the insertion of a feeding tube and port. Before we left that night, my mom, dad, brother, and I sang a hymn while we sat around her... It is so hard to watch someone you love hurt... but I know that this sickness is “not unto death.”

This is something my dad shared with me one morning before we left the house for the day: When Jesus heard about Lazarus he said, “This illness does not lead to death; rather it is for God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified though it.”

That doesn’t mean that God caused this, nor does it mean that He doesn’t want healing. It is always God’s will to heal and I know that complete healing will come at some point, whether it is here on this earth or at the resurrection. But I know that this illness is not unto the death because we have already seen two miracles in the first week that have saved her life. However, if we, my family, chose to submit to the “Refiner’s fire,” then we will bring glory to God through our lives.

Comfort zones are places we all like to be, but we can all remember scenarios when we have been out of our comfort zones, either by choice, or by necessity. Sometimes I look back on my life and I see the divorce, the abuse, emotional struggles and spiritual questions that I have had, and other things, …. then this …. and I feel like the majority of my life has been lived outside of my “comfort zone” in the fiery trails of this world. . . But I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else. Each breaking brings me nearer to the truth of the depths of God. I know my Father in heaven, and through these trials I have learned to trust Him. I can say, “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” These trials, that seem to stretch me to my limits, have almost become the most comfortable place to be because I know that I’m in the palm of God’s hand, and He’s going to see me through. Though the pain may not be lessened, there is the hope of clear skies after the storm rolls away.

Through this, God is bringing relational healing to my family. We are pulling together to support my sister.

I hope that each of you will choose to trust God in the pain that you face and in the storms that you go through. May your trials become your comfort zones because you rest in the Gentle Hand of the LORD.

Please Make Me Blind

The second hand ticked another 360 degrees as I sat at the desk in the office of the Music department. Mrs. Burrus was occupied at her desk and my mind wondered to the endless possibilities of “what-ifs.”

What if I was in some horrible accident and I lost 95% of my sight to where it was reduced to seeing dim shapes against the fuzzy gray light. Mmmm….that would be tradgic. Would I be able to eat in public without spilling everything? Would I still be able to achieve a college education in this manner? Would my ears compensate? Would my ears compensate?... Then tears sprang to my eyes as the thought presented itself that I would never again see the beautiful faces of those I loved, especially my heart family. . .

How silly; I chided myself for too vivid of an imagination. Then God nudged the thought into my mind, I could teach you to see with your heart.

My heart?

All your prejudices and preconceived conceptions would slip away. You would listen to their voice and see their heart instead of listening to the message of their appearance and shying away from being My hands, feet, and heart to them.

Wow God. I have so much to learn. How often do I only listen to half of what people are saying and miss the deep reverberations of their words.

Please make me blind and open the eyes of my heart.

Staff time : )

Alex and his cal zone!
Slaloming...

Last Wednesday we had a staff party where most of of did stuff down at the waterfront and then we all headed up to the cafeteria to make cal zones!

Updates on life...

Camping in the Catskills... a beautiful waterfall.

Staying in the Tepees on our day off...

...Becca sleeping. : )

Me and Taylored between class periods.

Here is my beautiful sister in the middle of our muddy pasture! : )

The campers were anxious to ride as we finished saddling the last two horses. I slung the saddle over Pixies back and reached under her stomach to grasp the girth. I cinched her up but was surprised at how close the ring was to her elbow. I walked around with the intention to let down the other side of the girth, but Pixie stood right next to the side rail and wouldn't budge. I pushed against her hind legs... with no avail. I was quite perplexed until I looked to the side and ....low n' behold I had cinched her to the side rail! No wonder she woudn't budge! It all proffered a good chuckle. : )

These are my boots firmly stuck in the mud of the pasture after several days of rain! The pasture remains at some degree of muddiness throughout the week.

Crystal Water Music!

Sabbath afternoon, as Christy and I had noble intentions of doing the dishes, we got pleasantly sidetracked by the beautiful sounds that you can make with Crystal goblets filled at various levels with water. While Joel and I improvised with different harmonies Christy added her cello and Caitlin her violin. Our finale was the Carol of the Bells! Enjoy : )!

Graduation Reflections...

Kindred Spirits :)

Happy Smiles of Anticipation...

My Five Wonderful Adopted Siblings!

Siblingness!