oneblondrose

Unto the Gory of God!

2011-02-01T18:10:00.000-08:00

A phone call...

... a trip to the hospital...

... tubes ... IVs ... prayers ...

"Joy runs deeper than despair." Corrie Ten Boom (A concentration camp survivor)

“See it is I who have created the smith who blows the fire of coals,
And produces a weapon fit for its purpose.” Isaiah 54:16

Most of you probably already know the news that my family received a week and a half ago.

My sister was diagnosed with cancer. She's only 23.

There is a 7 cm tumor located at the EG junction. The surgical procedure to remove this is very difficult and will take several hours. However, before that, the medical personnel have said that she will start chemotherapy and radiation therapy for several weeks before hand to destroy any micro cells that have spread to other areas.

She went to the hospital Friday and was in MICU for 5 days. Up until the Wednesday when they moved her out of MICU, I thought that we were going to lose her. Finally, after receiving the results of the PET scan and the biopsy, they determined that it was stage 3 and could hopefully be controlled with the chemo and radiation therapy and then surgery. It was a ray hope and an answer to prayer.

But if any of you have a family member who has gone through this, you know that it is almost easier to face death with peace, than to face the months of pain. Chemo and radiation wreak havoc on the body.

One night while we were at the hospital, I was sitting on the side of the bed with my arms wrapped around my sister and she was leaning back against me while I held her. Caitlin, who has always been able to out-muscle me in most physical tasks, leaned weakly against me, absolutely exhausted from a few short walks down the hallway. She was still in some pain from the Friday morning when they did laproscopic (sp?) surgery and the insertion of a feeding tube and port. Before we left that night, my mom, dad, brother, and I sang a hymn while we sat around her... It is so hard to watch someone you love hurt... but I know that this sickness is “not unto death.”

This is something my dad shared with me one morning before we left the house for the day: When Jesus heard about Lazarus he said, “This illness does not lead to death; rather it is for God’s glory, so that the Son of God may be glorified though it.”

That doesn’t mean that God caused this, nor does it mean that He doesn’t want healing. It is always God’s will to heal and I know that complete healing will come at some point, whether it is here on this earth or at the resurrection. But I know that this illness is not unto the death because we have already seen two miracles in the first week that have saved her life. However, if we, my family, chose to submit to the “Refiner’s fire,” then we will bring glory to God through our lives.

Comfort zones are places we all like to be, but we can all remember scenarios when we have been out of our comfort zones, either by choice, or by necessity. Sometimes I look back on my life and I see the divorce, the abuse, emotional struggles and spiritual questions that I have had, and other things, …. then this …. and I feel like the majority of my life has been lived outside of my “comfort zone” in the fiery trails of this world. . . But I wouldn’t choose to be anywhere else. Each breaking brings me nearer to the truth of the depths of God. I know my Father in heaven, and through these trials I have learned to trust Him. I can say, “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” These trials, that seem to stretch me to my limits, have almost become the most comfortable place to be because I know that I’m in the palm of God’s hand, and He’s going to see me through. Though the pain may not be lessened, there is the hope of clear skies after the storm rolls away.

Through this, God is bringing relational healing to my family. We are pulling together to support my sister.

I hope that each of you will choose to trust God in the pain that you face and in the storms that you go through. May your trials become your comfort zones because you rest in the Gentle Hand of the LORD.

A Godly wife...

2010-10-04T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

(This is primarily intended for my sisters in Christ) : D

Last evening I went to the Library to attempt to work on a few papers, however, I ended up not working on any of them but writing down some thoughts that God shared with me. So I wanted to share them with you too.

Recently I have been thinking about relationships. More specifically about marriage and my inadequate knowledge. I've been wondering how I can effectively prepare for it and become the type of Godly wife that I have been privileged to witness in the marriage of a few couples I know. Then last evening God brought Isaiah 54 to mind, which says that the Lord is your '"Maker and your Husband." (This is a very good chapter!)

These are the thoughts that He proceeded to give me on how I can "practice" for marriage and also completely cement my relationship with Him; after all, who knows if the world will last long enough for that anyway. : )

How to be a good wife (to God)

1. Appearance: Take care in my appearance so that I reflect His care of me; I do not want to dishonor/embarrass him by a sloppy or immodest appearance.
2. Quality time: make sure I have my devotional time every morning, and sometimes evenings.
3. Dates: schedule a time every week to go on a date (actually do something and carry on a conversation with God) i.e. look at artwork, take a walk, visit the duck pond, bike ride, fly a kite, etc. Marvel at His creative power!
4. Care for His needs: clean my heart of worldly clutter, make savory self-sacrifices that will be pleasing to Him.
5. Submission: frequently reaffirm my trust in Him as my leader and my decision maker; follow through according to His plan, and listen when he speaks; honor the rules of His "house," (Universe), the ten commandments.
6. Care for the Family: Care for the children of God, my fellow brothers and sisters in the church, for their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs; guide by teaching(charge with truth) and set boundaries.
7. Help-mate: support/partner with Him in His life work— saving souls; ministry together.
8. Intimacy: secret prayer.
9. Care for those outside family unit (unbelievers): love unconditionally, guide by example, provide for physical, emotional, and then spiritual needs.
10. Faithfulness: maintain vibrant, growing relationship; keep my eyes on Him and not on other men.

This is something I'm really excited about! And I can't wait to see the kind of impact it will have on my relationship with God.

I thought it was interesting that He gave me 10. : ) Though I'm sure that here are many other dynamics and aspects of the marriage relationship to which other parallels could be made.

It is my prayer that each of you find your completeness in Him who is you Maker, Father, Savior, Lover, Protector, and Husband. He will never disappoint you, but will "bear you up on wings like eagles." Isaiah 40

Please Make Me Blind

2009-09-29T18:15:00.000-07:00

The second hand ticked another 360 degrees as I sat at the desk in the office of the Music department. Mrs. Burrus was occupied at her desk and my mind wondered to the endless possibilities of “what-ifs.”

What if I was in some horrible accident and I lost 95% of my sight to where it was reduced to seeing dim shapes against the fuzzy gray light. Mmmm….that would be tradgic. Would I be able to eat in public without spilling everything? Would I still be able to achieve a college education in this manner? Would my ears compensate? Would my ears compensate?... Then tears sprang to my eyes as the thought presented itself that I would never again see the beautiful faces of those I loved, especially my heart family. . .

How silly; I chided myself for too vivid of an imagination. Then God nudged the thought into my mind, I could teach you to see with your heart.

My heart?

All your prejudices and preconceived conceptions would slip away. You would listen to their voice and see their heart instead of listening to the message of their appearance and shying away from being My hands, feet, and heart to them.

Wow God. I have so much to learn. How often do I only listen to half of what people are saying and miss the deep reverberations of their words.

Please make me blind and open the eyes of my heart.

9 Conspirators and the Innocent

2009-09-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

“Do you want to go to Intense with me?” Jonathan asked. “Sure,” I said, “we can meet at 6:50 at the flagpole.

3 hours later.

I was standing, simply waiting and minding my own business, when out of nowhere two desperadoes appeared! Cassia slipped the blindfold around my eyes and Jonathan announced the beginning of our “intense” adventure. I was lead to a car and told to get in. Compliance was a must or else I would suffer the unknown consequences. We drove out of the parking lot on our adventure and circled the roundabout at least two times before driving on over bridges, in and out of parking lots, around culdasacks (sp?), over speed bumps, etc. All the while a musical commentary on where we were going and how it was going to be exciting was being sung to the tunes of “I’m singing in the rain,” “Beauty and the Beast,” “The Phantom of the Opera,” and other such melodies that were quite spontaneous.
After becoming almost sick to my stomach with all of the turns and disorientation, they decided to stop and we each piled out, though I was not so quick because of the sight-prohibiting-device. To my shock and dismay, I was handed over to a campus security officer who twisted my wrist behind my back and proceeded to walk me forward I knew not where! “Cassia,” I called, “are you still there?” Please don’t leave me, I thought to myself.
The cool evening air played with the ends of the pink cloth around my eyes and strands of hair that escaped its grasp. My Birthday was yesterday….where is all this going?...and why didn’t I catch on to the plethora of hints that had preceded this afternoon? Such thoughts skipped through my mind as I tried to think calmly and rationally that this would all work out in the end. (I need to work on spontaneity: )
After coming to a halt an eerie silence followed… the question on my lips halted as Cassia quickly removed the blind fold to my relief and great delight! There before me were some of the most beautiful smiling faces God has created! I was greeted with a chorus of Happy Birthdays and lots of joyful laughter. They had certainly pulled off a successful surprise!
Hugs were given all around, and followed by Jen’s delicious pita-mix, carrots, homemade cake, ice cream, and last but not least, a Mickey-Mouse piñata! Their friendships and sweet company were as delightful as the surprise and another reminder of the love God has for His children.
My heart is full… I am truly blessed!
Thanks to all of you and to God who is our Fortress and the Giver of all blessings!

Passion Play

2009-08-11T05:40:00.000-07:00

Passion Play...
This year we are going throught the life of Moses. On Friday night we see the life of Jesus through his eyes as he talks with God from the top of Mount Nebo right before his death. God has really blessed this summer, not only the campers but the staff as well. This is our sixth week, but I'm still not tired of it... I never stop learning.

Mountain Top Experience!

2009-08-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago, Andrew Whitlow, Stephen L., and I went on a hike....
but not just any hike. : ) We climbed Dix mountain: 4,840 ft. in elevation, #6 highest in the High Peaks Region of the Adirondacks, and a 13 mile round trip.
I have never hiked a mountain before... I had no idea what I was getting into.

After a mile and a half, Stephen decided it was his turn to take the rear, so they put me between them and wouldn't let me quit. : ) Things were going quite well until we came to the last mile and a half which were almost straight up! Literally! We where scrambling up rocks and pulling ourselves up by tree roots! At one point I wanted to give up and let them go on ahead so that they wouldn't loose time (they were going to hike to Hughes from the top of Dix), but they wouldn't let me, I was so exasperated that I finally burst out with, "Don't you two ever stop being gentlemen!?" To which they simply laughed and assured me that it was ok and we'd reach the top together. . . and we did.
Looking back I am very thankful for my "stubborn gentlemen," and that I had the exciting experience of climbing a mountain; though I must say that any future endeavors will be more on my level. : )

My two stubborn gentlemen... : )

Creek crossing..... (Andrew doesn't want to get his feet wet... : )

Rare wildlife...

Staff time : )

2009-08-11T04:56:00.000-07:00

Alex and his cal zone!
Slaloming...

Last Wednesday we had a staff party where most of of did stuff down at the waterfront and then we all headed up to the cafeteria to make cal zones!

Updates on life...

2009-07-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

Camping in the Catskills... a beautiful waterfall.

Staying in the Tepees on our day off...

...Becca sleeping. : )

Me and Taylored between class periods.

Here is my beautiful sister in the middle of our muddy pasture! : )

The campers were anxious to ride as we finished saddling the last two horses. I slung the saddle over Pixies back and reached under her stomach to grasp the girth. I cinched her up but was surprised at how close the ring was to her elbow. I walked around with the intention to let down the other side of the girth, but Pixie stood right next to the side rail and wouldn't budge. I pushed against her hind legs... with no avail. I was quite perplexed until I looked to the side and ....low n' behold I had cinched her to the side rail! No wonder she woudn't budge! It all proffered a good chuckle. : )

These are my boots firmly stuck in the mud of the pasture after several days of rain! The pasture remains at some degree of muddiness throughout the week.

Little Gray Intruder

2009-06-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

(read with quiet, intriguing suspense ; )

The sun filtered in through the trees with a soft morning light illuminating the story of Rehoboem (sp?). Shaking my head at the rejection of God by the Israelites yet again, my ears heard a soft scratching noise. Glancing up from my position by the window, my eyes lighted on a tiny gray lump huddled on the bare matrice of an empty cabin bunk. The little gray lump pitter-patted another 3 inches and I distinguished two round ears and a long tail. Sucking in a deep breath I contemplated the most efficient way to extract this unwelcome guest from my living quarters. Should I stomp and make loud noises to scare him away? Should I attempt to capture him? Or should I shudder with disgust and pretend I never saw him? The fury little mouse padded another inch and quivered. The poor tiny thing was cold! But wait! What was this empathetic thought which lept into my frontal lobe?! This will never do; I must banish all such thoughts! The moments ticked by... I glanced to the small box beside me of paper, stamps, and writing utensils, and decided on my course of action. Emptying the box of its contents, I slipped from my motionless spot and stealthily crept toward the wooden bunk across the worn and warped wooden floor. Taking a deep breath I lifted the pretty box above the little gray intruder and... Aha! Pounce! I had my self a mouse!

Every Second Counts

2009-06-17T09:14:00.000-07:00

"Time Is Money"

Shaila Meharry

Are you ready for a change? A drastic change? ... God is.

Some one once posed the question, “What would you do if a bank were to give you $86,400 every day?” I’m sure you could think of several things right off the top of your head: School bills, entertainment, cars, shopping, ADRA, etc. Someone may even venture to think, “No school!” (But how boring would that be! : )

Now here are the conditions though: each day this amount is renewed and each evening whatever has not been used will be deleted from your account. Pretty simple, right?
In all actuality you are given 86,400 seconds everyday! It is your choice how you spend them. You may think that they are only seconds; hardly of any consequence … but how important is a second?

“To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. (Southern Accent)
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed their flight.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask the person who jut avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.” -Charles Lange

Time is an extravagant gift God has given us! And what would make His heart rejoice is the fact that every day one of his children is setting time out of his “busy” schedule just for Him.
“How can young people keep their way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; do not let me stray from your commandments. I treasure your word in my heart, so that I may not sin against you.” Psalms 119:9-11

God’s word is powerful! You might not be able to stand the ramifications if you give God your time through prayer and the reading of His word. I want to take that chance because the change will bring me face to face with my Redeeming and I will never be the same again.

“Taste and see that the LORD is good.”

Crystal Water Music!

2009-06-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

Sabbath afternoon, as Christy and I had noble intentions of doing the dishes, we got pleasantly sidetracked by the beautiful sounds that you can make with Crystal goblets filled at various levels with water. While Joel and I improvised with different harmonies Christy added her cello and Caitlin her violin. Our finale was the Carol of the Bells! Enjoy : )!

Important Things To Do! : )

2009-06-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

This is a list that I made in 06'. This is the current state, but it is subject to constant modulations and changes! : )

Things to accomplish in life: 5/13/06

1. Race around a horse track
2. Be an a jumping show
3. Give a live concert
4. Make a CD
5. Be in an opera
6. Graduate from college
7. Get my Masters or Doctoral degree
8. Have a Painting sold for 200 or + dollars
9. Have a Drawing “ “
10. Visit an orphanage
11. Personally bring 10 people to Christ
12. Visit a third world country
13. Have 30,000 in my savings at some point
14. Have a complete Civil War outfit
Caitlin made one…how wonderful to have a sister to share with! (picture above)
15. Give a seminar
16. Graduate from GCA with all A’s
3.9…I guess I’ll have to settle for that.
17. Be able to sing an A
18. Live my purpose
19. Memorize 100 Bible verses
20. Do prison ministries
• During October homeleave in 08’, Daddy and I went to the prison to do prison ministries on Tuesday night. He gave me three Steps to Christ to give as I felt impressed. While we were in there sharing, a mother and her 20 year old daughter made the decision to give their lives to Christ. We prayed with them and I got to give them those books. It was a really great experience. Now, when I’m home, I try to go every time they have it.
21. Speak 3 to 5 different languages
I have a foothold on French and Portuguese… after I conquer those two, then comes Greek, Hebrew, and Italian!
22. Sing with a Symphony accompanying me
23. Conduct a choir or an orchestra or band
24. See a sunrise or sunset above the Grand Canyon
25. Fly an airplane
26. Visit the Red Wood Forest
27. Learn to Ballroom Dance
28. Milk a cow by hand
• 2/25/07 Carissa and I went to the barn at GCA and Mr. Roberts showed us how to milk a cow by hand and then let us try. It was a lot of fun! It would take a long time to milk a cow by hand every morning.
29. Read through the Dictionary
30. Learn to write calligraphy
• 12/25/07 I was given a book and a pen for Christmas on how to write calligraphy. It’s comin’ : )
31. Watch a surgery
• 12/15/06 I shadowed Dr. Brannon, an anesthesiologist. I observed two breast-cancer biopsies at Gordon Hospital; Calhoun, Georgia.
32. Save some ones life
33. Learn to Play Violin, Trumpet, Percussion
34. Break in a Stallion (using unharmful methods)
35. Find perfume that smells like gardenia or wisteria
Gardenia yes, wisteria….ainda nao.
36. Read 30 books in one summer
37. Travel somewhere overnight on a train
38. Go as a student missionary for a year
39. Sing in the Sydney Opera House and/or Carnegie Hall
40. Give concerts for orphanages
41. Write a book
42. Get Married
43. Be on a horse in the middle of a field of wild flowers surrounded by mountains
44. Visit Alaska
45. Live in a log cabin in the Mountains
46. Ride in a sleigh with jingle bells in the snow
47. Got to a school in Europe
48. Got to a symphony and an opera
• Summer of 08’: When I went to Brazil for 5 weeks, the first week I stayed with the Conte’s and Steven took me to the Opera! It was so exciting! It was a tragedy called: Maria Golovin by Menotti.
49. See Jesus Come
50. Preach an evangelistic series
51. Hear live, “The New World Symphony”
52. Hear live the “Messiah”
• In December of 08’, Carissa, Jonathan, Mrs. Harper, and I went to Atlanta to hear the Christmas portion of the Messiah, performed by the Atlanta Symphony. It was amazing!
53. Hear live the “Warsaw Concerto”
54. Colporteur for a summer
• Summer of 07’: I did LE word for 10 weeks and it really changed my life and helped me grow a lot. I fell in love with God’s word.
55. Visit Brazil
• Summer of 08’: I had the opportunity to go to Brazil for 5 weeks. I learned so many new things! And it was a wonderful experience! (see. Brazil Journal) (picture above and to the right- it's Brazilian clay!)
56. Fast for a week
57. Conquer my fear of showing emotion when I sing solo in front of people
• God helped me by opening my heart and using sing to love the people. After that summer of mega-booking, Caitlin, Nathan, and I did special music and I was completely at ease. It is the beginning.
58. Have the love of children and the respect of adults (that is to have succeeded)
59. Be a good cook
60. Be a Wrangler at Camp
This summer I am working in the barn at Camp Cherokee! (And a counselor and what ever else is needed. : )
61. Make a Hope Chest

I hope this inspires all of you to make a list! It's exciting!

The Heart of God

2009-06-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

The Heart of God

4/29/07

Think about how you view God. Is it anything like us? Did you picture God white-water rafting? Or setting out with a buddy into the wilderness to test His strength against the elements? Did you picture God as a shy lover extremely careful about disclosing the depths of His heart? Or how about a young girl wanting to be delighted in by those around her? Yes, these comparisons might seem a little strange to you at first, but wait a second.
Remember the verse in Genesis 1:26,27; “Then God said, ‘Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness’…..So God created humankind in His image, in the image of God he created them, make and female he created them.” Now, we know that we are created in Gods likeness, but wait, God doesn’t have a gender! Could it be that we were created with a gender difference of the heart? Crazy thought isn’t it?

Scientifically every heart is the same, but God created a distinct difference between the heart of a woman and the heart of a man, though both reveal the same heart of our God. If our hearts are fashioned after His, don’t you think he understands and experiences the same longings of your heart?
Let’s take the first comparison of God, white-water rafting. Most girls would draw back at the thought of such danger, but the guys are thinking, “Yah! Let’s do it! Maybe we can flip the boat!” : ) As crazy as I think that is, God would be right there with you having a ball. This desire for adventure and risk is in the heart of every man, if it hasn’t been buried. And where do you think you get it from? God of course. Why to you think God created us with the freedom of choice? Were things going to be predictable and under control with no risks that way? No! Was, there a risk of danger? Yes. But with this danger comes the need for strength to meet the problem.

This brings us to the second comparison, the test of strength in the wilderness. Ok, so maybe all of you would not choose the wilderness as the way to test your strength, but still the need is there. Men like to come through for the girl, to show their strength and be appreciated for it. How many countless stories fill the Old Testament of God waiting till the last moment, when everything seems hopeless, to step in and save his people from danger. There are quite a few aren’t there. God wants to give His strength to us when we are in trouble, but He also wants us to be grateful for it and praise Him because of it.
Mmmmm….. affirmation and acceptance. Do you see this in the shy lover? Did you know that God longs to “romance” you, and to be “romanced” by you. He sends you flowers every day! He speaks through nature in three words, I LOVE YOU. He blesses you in little ways just to see you smile with delight and happiness. God longs to be pursued by you. He says, “You will seek me and find me,...when you seek with all your heart.” Do you tell someone you just met yesterday your life story? No, of course not! You give the relationship time. You wait and see if they really do care, if they really want to know the innermost you. This is a characteristic that is definitely a big part of the female heart. We do not just open up to anyone at the slightest attempt. And God is like this too. Is it easy to get to know God? No. People spend a life time getting to know Him, even eternity is not enough time. God never forces Himself on you and will only reveal slowly pieces of His heart, and only with much searching and pursuing on your part.

On to the last comparison. God wants to be delighted in? Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord…” Psalms 40:8 “I delight to do your will, O my God…” Psalms 119:77 “For your law is my delight…” Isaiah 11:3 “His delight shall be in the ear of the Lord…” Isaiah 58:13 “…if you call the Sabbath a delight and the holy day of the Lord honorable…then you shall take delight in the Lord, and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth…” Romans 7: 22 “For I delight in the law of God…” There are many other verses speaking of delight. We hear that God is omnipotent and sufficient in Himself, this is true, yet at the same time He is like a child desiring to be delighted in. God has opened His heart to vulnerability and in many cases we have only stomped on it in return, yet he continuously opens his heart to us again and again, trying to allure us away from this substitutes this world offers. Yes, God has a heart just like yours, with many more aspects that we didn’t’ discuss. But remember this, that your heart is fashioned after God’s, that He understands your deepest desires, and that He is willing to meet you where you are.

Isaiah 43:4 “…because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you.”

Graduation Reflections...

2009-05-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

Kindred Spirits :)

Happy Smiles of Anticipation...

My Five Wonderful Adopted Siblings!

Siblingness!